Jamaica: The “No problem” country that had me stressed

In March of 2022, I took a trip to Jamaica for a friend's 30th birthday. It would be my first trip to the Caribbean (not counting Florida).

I remember going out more than usual in the prep trip activities, such as getting acrylic nails and buying a bunch of online clothes. My friend and I had booked excursion packages like zip lining and riding horses on the surf. I was stoked! I didn't know much about Jamaica, all that came to mind was the stereotypes I saw in the movies - a paradise, black men in dreads, coconuts, reggae music, jerk chicken - you get the picture. I was imagining a good ole time and not a triggering, reality-shifting experience. What I know *now* about triggers is that they signal wounds that need attention, accountability and healing.

The triggers started early, in fact, it was the moment I stepped onto the plane from my layover in Miami to Montego Bay. I was the only dark skinned person on that plane. Something else that stood out to me - the other passengers were not just white, they were older (45+) and mostly couples. In the moment, I couldn't explain why, but I felt an uncomfortable twinge in the center of my belly knowing that a full plane of older white folxs were headed to Jamaica. 

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Side Bar: I didn't know it then but Jamaica is a hot spot for sex tourism, the clients being middle age white men and women from Europe and the US. In fact, on one of the days my friend and I were on the beach we found out about a hotel/resort that offers sexual services - what’s different and interesting - is that services are performed by Jamaican men, or “beach boys”. According to several Reddit threads, Negril is well known as a sex tourism spot that caters to older white women and couples.
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The next trigger came from the area around our accommodations. Given that I couldn't splurge much on lodgings, my friend and I got a private room for ourselves in a hostel - in the heart of Montego Bay. As with most city centers nowadays, it was teeming with people in poverty. As my friend and I explored the city, I noticed the stark difference of how they treated her compared to me. My friend being a white woman, there was almost a delicacy in their approach with her. When we’d step on the corner, it was to her they would initially flock to in attempts to sell trinkets or strike up conversation. I was left alone, until I spoke. My accent gave me away as not just Black, but Black American. The softer selling tactics that were directed towards my friend took on a different flavor with me, more demanding and entitled.

The final trigger was an incident stands out in particular, of when my friend and I drove out to a fancy restaurant to properly celebrate her birthday. We got a taxi on the way there, it was crammed with people. I was taking note of how much the driver was charging people he was dropping off along the way, so I could have that amount ready. When it came to be our turn, he asked for double the price for each of us. I felt the heat burn in my throat and rise up like bile. I was not to be taken advantage of! I shrugged him off and proceeded to leave him hanging in the car and walked briskly away. My friend followed suit, worry chiseled on her face. Part of me wondered if I should be more worried about ripping off a taxi driver, and to my dismay, he came running after us to the front of the restaurant. After demanding and yelling for his money, my friend reached into her pocket and paid the man. He stormed away.

Since triggers are signals from the subconscious, not yet dissected and understood by the conscious mind, I projected my anger back out the man.

"Who do they think I am?" I fumed to myself. "Made of money? I'm black too! In the US, I'm the underclass, how dare they ask me for money or overcharge me?! We're both black, why isn't there some black discount? Why are they treating me like I'm some rich white person?"

Thoughts like this circulated through my mind for the entire trip, especially when we were around the hostel where we would meet the bulk of people in poverty, who would swarm around me, the moment they heard my US tinted accent. But as my friend had said, even if the driver had ripped us off, it took less than $10 out of our pocket. Who’s really getting ripped off?

For those that are familiar with astrology, my rising/ascendant is in Capricorn. Cap energy is ruled by Saturn and is the ruler of my natal chart. Saturn is the planet of discipline, responsibility, and structure. I've always innately carried this sense of responsibility. I've always felt like I'm responsible for those around me, for friends, family and society and when I ignore that inner call, it gnaws at me like a festering wound. I could feel the wound festering, triggered, as I brushed past the black hands open and demanding, not asking, for resources - for money. Even now I don’t know if my foggy lens of anger distorted how I was treated, or if it was a true observation, but their demand for my resources remains sharp in my mind. I realize, they are entitled to it. Given the history of the US draining Jamaica's natural resources for decades and creating dependency on tourism for economic development, how could I claim to believe in Pan-Africanism if I didn’t own up to how my privilege is made possible by their oppression?

Jamaica was a lesson, a karmic one. I learned of my place in the world on that trip - confronted with it was more like it, and it paved the way for me to own up to my place in the world.

I was in a grey area of being the oppressed and the oppressor. As a trained sociologist, I kept thinking about how my personal experience could relate to what’s happening on the world stage. In the World's System Theory by Wallerstein, developing countries, also known as the Global South, that includes Latin America, parts of Asia and Africa function as periphery countries that are extracted from to sustain the core countries. Core countries are the rich ones, also known as the Global North, and include the US, parts of Europe and Asia. Now the world is changing, and what were once "developing" countries are now becoming affluent - such as China. Countries moving away from being in the periphery are now extracting from other countries themselves. He calls these the semi-periphery countries, those that are being exploited and exploiting others. 

And here I was living that very truth on a micro (smaller) level - being exploited from in my home country and doing the exploiting abroad. 

It's hard to come to terms with your own privilege - a sympathy I had never afforded to white folx in the US coming to that realization. It's an icky feeling, something you don't want to look at, because it makes you feel like a bad person. Everyone must decide for themselves what to do when confronted with that reality. For me, I knew I had to surrender and take a hard look at my worldview. However I saw myself, an entire group of people saw something different, which meant their reality was different than mine. That was worth exploring for me.

I've noticed in the Black American community, some like to paint us as constant victims and wear it like armor. But there's no power in perpetual victimhood. Many of us talk of liberation, but are we waiting for others to liberate us or will we do it ourselves? I've decided to take my liberation in my own hands with the only power I know of - that what resides within. That includes owning up to how I perpetuate the very system I claim to be a victim of.

I've come to terms that as a Black American with a very decent paying job, who can afford the basics, the comforts, and the occasional splurges to travel - I am the black bourgeois (upper-middle class). I may not be white American rich, but I am not poor and I am not financially suffering. Where does this leave me? I've danced between the belief that it is my right - was raised on limited means, my mom never made more than $20k - AND the understanding that now my responsibility grows.

This informs my conscious traveling principles. How can I still enjoy the world while being aware of my impact? Curious if you have any ideas.

Check out WWOOF if you’d like to work on a community and family farms during your travels.

If you'd like to learn more about astrology and what planet rules your chart, or how to navigate triggers, hit me up for a natal chart reading.