Language as a portal: the sub-conscious
“Be gentle with yourself". I could logically understand this but never gave it the attention it deserved. I used to read/hear that it was important to be kind to myself but my own lived experience had few examples of people actually doing that. Punishment and discipline after "failure" were norm, as I'm sure it is for many others.
The idea that I needed to talk to myself with more consideration and patience sounded nice but when put into practice - I just felt silly. I started to implement it though, in small acts and the results were 🤯
For me, my self punishment didn't always come in the form of words but as feelings. I could feel myself shame myself, and I always felt it around the gut. Unsurprisingly, the solar plexus located around the navel is blocked by shame. I was carrying lots of it. Shame about who I really was, internalized from several interactions with others since I was who knows how young.
As I began to move forward in my emotional healing journey, I was introduced to the idea of mirror work. Mirror work is a subconscious exercise in which one speaks to themselves in front of a mirror as a way to reprogram the subconscious mind.
In a psychology course, I learned that we are governed by our emotional state over 90% of the time. I loved learning this fact, because we operate in a society that constantly advocates for being "rational", "logical", and prides itself on these characteristics. When in fact, we are all ruled by our emotions first and foremost. The more one presents like they're not, the more emotions become suppressed and spill over in other ways (anger, avoidance, physical health issues, etc). The subconscious is where these emotions are stored and programmed. Another fun fact: over 95% of our emotions and actions when we are awake are governed by the subconscious. In other words, if you're feeling triggered or emotionally overwhelmed, the subconscious is taking over. It's signaling to what's going on in the background.
“The conscious mind cannot override the subconscious because they speak in different languages.”
The waking mind communicates through language, both spoken, written or observed body language. The subconscious codes information through visualization emotion. For that reason, when you're having an emotional episode, or overwhelmed by a trigger, and you tell yourself to think and calm down it hardly works. The conscious cannot override the subconscious. For this reason you have to speak the language of the subconscious and "rewire".
How do you do this?
Subconscious training is best 30 mins before sleep and 30 mins after waking. Psychologists have identified this time period as a window of opportunity when the conscious & subconscious mind are in sync and one can "deposit" information to be stored in the subconscious. Mirror work is more effective during these time windows.
A great way to find out what needs updating is to journal about your triggers. Remember a time you were emotionally triggered by something that you heard, was told to you by a someone close to you, or something you read/saw. Whatever elicits a strong emotional reaction out of you - regardless if you think it was a logical reaction - is a sign of a trigger.
“Triggers signal internal wounds. ”
Support yourself by giving yourself comfort (wear or cover yourself in something fuzzy, smoke, be in a comfortable position, etc.) while you write about those experiences. Re-feel those emotions, as painful as they may feel. Remember emotions cannot kill you. Connect words that come from those emotions (see Figure above) to identify what you're dealing with. Once you have remembered a triggering moment, felt the feelings, placed feelings into words, you overlay the negative emotions with calming ones.
For example: If your triggering experience relates to a romantic relationship where you didn't feel like you are enough
1) Feel: Isolate the emotion in the body (gut/heart/throat/etc)
2) Find the words associated with the emotions: I am not enough
3) Overlay: I am enough, I am valuable, I am loveable
4) Visual: go to the memory and while it plays replace the words & sentiment with positive affirmation
5) Visual: imagine you acted differently, with the belief that you are enough. Are you walking away? Are you standing up for yourself? Picture it.
6) Breathe into the area where the trigger was (gut/heart/throat etc) for 3 deep belly breathes.
7) Sit with this new information for a few minutes
When you first start, don't expect to get it all right immediately. It took me quite a few times to collect the visuals with the new emotion. I also didn't believe my own affirmations for awhile, but I kept saying them until I did believe my own words. By the time I was believing them, I was embodying them. Over time I began to truly understand what it meant to be gentle with myself.
The objective of this exercise is to bring your triggers (wounds) to the surface or conscious mind. Once you know it, you can address it. Sending new information back to the subconscious repeatedly, begins to write new stories. The neural pathways of painful experiences & associated belief system die off the less they're used and new ones are formed.
I like to frame my mind as my computer. A super computer, because isn't it that? I control it and tell it what program to run on - not the other way around.
As a spiritualist, learning about the psychology of the subconscious was like putting a piece of a puzzle together. Many cultural practices and healing modalities such as meditation, shadow work, dream work, etc., approach healing through the "back door". A lot of the healing work I have done, before I was aware of the psychological aspects of it, was to heal from the within, from the hidden aspects of myself and bring them to the surface to understand, heal and release.
What reprogramming do you need to step into your true self? What is outdated information? What codes can you re-write for yourself, instead of going off of codes that we're given to you.
If you need support to get started, don't hesitate to ask.
